6.28.2008

.: Thoughts On Grieving :.

It's been a long time...

I've wanted to post for a while but I've been unable to articulate my thoughts like I've wanted. This post is a couple of months in the making, mostly because it is hard to write about and I've done it in small pieces.

My Gram died about three months ago. In a previous post I mentioned that I expected my Gram to live forever. I was completely serious. I know that probably doesn't make a lot of sense but it's true. I don't remember Gram aging as I was growing up. She always seemed the same to me and she was always healthy. Last fall one of my dearest friend's grandmother's health started to decline. We talked about having our grandparents age and I mentioned to her that I didn't know what I was going to do when my Gram started to get old. I was confident that we had many more years together. I planned on us having many more years together. There were so many things that I wanted to do with Gram. Both of us really like the Trans Siberian Orchestra and I really wanted to go to a concert with her. She had gone a few times already and loved it. It is weird to think that she won't be coming to visit for a few weeks this summer and that she won't be at Christmas this year. It is sad to me that when I have kids they won't get to meet her. That really breaks my heart actually. For me the hardest part of grieving has been the loneliness. Grieving is a lonely affair because the world moves on long before you do. When something happens that affects you so profoundly it's almost surreal to realize that the world is still turning, just as it always has, and people are still going about their normal business.

There are a few things that have really helped me.

No 1- Getting back into a normal routine. Going to work, church, small group, etc. It is easier to stay at home and wallow in your grief but I think it is better for you to get back into a routine. A month to the day after Gram died I had to attend a baby shower. I was a mess inside and miserable at first. By the end of the night though I found myself relaxing and having a good time. I was glad that I made myself go.

No 2- Talking with someone. This has helped me to not feel so isolated in my grief. Jason has been an incredible listener. He offers advice and opinions when asked but mostly just lets me get my feelings out. He hasn't rushed me or told me that it's time to move on but has just let me take my time getting through things.

No 3- Taking time to grieve by myself. It is not good to isolate yourself but I found that I did/do need some time alone to work through things or just to cry. I've got quite a commute to work which has given me plenty of time to do this but also limits this time to a constrained period.

No 4- Reading. I love to read so this was something that was very comforting to me. Psalms and hymn lyrics were/are a great encouragement. Reading stories about others grief gave me things to think about and relate to.

The past few months I've been following Angie Smith's blog, Bring the Rain. If you are not familiar with her story I encourage you to go check her blog out. Angie's little girl Audrey passed away just a few hours after she was born. Angie's openness in writing about such an overwhelmingly heartbreaking experience has really helped me. It is a comfort to know that you're not the only one going through this process.

Now that I've finally finished this I'll begin posting again like normal.

O LORD, Our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! .Psalm 8:9

2 comments:

brandiandboys said...

So sorry to hear about your Gram. I'll be praying for you as you continue to heal!

Brianna said...

I'll pray for you Katie!